Shambles Football Team

Shambles defence secures victory against speedy students Sunday 15th February 2004. Shambles 2 (1) Medical Students 1 (1) Tight This was one of the tightest games the Shambles has played in recently and could have gone either way, with a number of chances squandered at either end in both halves. Both coaches used a large number of substitutes and the pace was frenetic until the final whistle. Loose As usual, the Shambles midfielders left a large space in midfield, which the opposition was delighted to exploit on dozens of occasions with quick, crisp passing motions to release their fast running attackers with precise passing and well-judged lobs. Tight again, and not ropey The Shambles defence had one of their finest games, cutting out all but one of these forward raids, no mean feat against this useful and technically sound side. On several occasions Aynsley, Norm, Carlos, Jon, Nat and Andy L. made telling interceptions and last-minute tackles to deny the future doctors, as well as setting up numerous attacking moves. Although victory was secured by a superb solo effort from ace cannoneer "Pirates of the Caribbean" Roger, it was the defence who ensured that the Shambles ship sailed into the port of victory with its treasure safely in the hold. Master blaster The match opened up with a shot into the enemy bows, rapier-like in its speed. Andy L., ever-industrious at the back, passed forward to Roger, who held the ball up just long enough to slide the ball to Arnaud, who picked out red-socked Thierry. Fresh from his conquest of the Antipodes, the Frenchman fired home to score yet again, providing an appropriate finish to the smooth passing move, which left the medical students wondering what to prescribe to heal their painfully perforated rear. The Greens were in the unaccustomed position of leading in the first few minutes. Push up Boosted by the confidence of the advantage, the Shambles pushed up ever further forward. The back four (in various formations, thanks to wise substitutions from our Valencian tactical maestro) remained ever vigilant, however. Norm was in dominant form, constantly marshalling the barricades as they were faced with criss-cross, darting formations of medical marauders. The fluidity of their attacks would have torn apart many a defensive unit, but the pub regulars held firm, their offside trap too well organized for the attackers on all but one occasion. Pull back Towards the half-time interval in this piece of taut drama, the soon-to-be sanatorium staff strikers latched onto an excellent kick by their goalkeeper, controlling the ball and injecting a pass into the heart of the Shambles' half. Anaesthetized for a microsecond by this surgical procedure, the back four turned just too late to catch their chief scalpel-wielder, leaving no room for compensation claims with his supremely neat finish to the slick operation. His keyhole surgery pierced the Shambles goal in spite of Matt's full-stretch dive. Cut back and forth With Udi upping the level of industry and quality of passing, the scales did look to be tipping in the foreigners' favour. In the 60th minute, with the game healthily balanced and the referee receiving plenty of vital exercise following the action from end to end, Roger received yet another pass on the right wing. A combination of pace and muscle took him past his challenger, but he looked to have overrun it this time, before cutting back in along the line next to the goal to bamboozle the goalie by putting the ball home from an apparently impossible angle, as if he had curved it with the outside of his right foot. Matt comes out. The physicians' forward thrusts were now predictable in pattern but still dangerous. The feisty defence held them off, Matt making many more timely forays out of his area to smother any attacks before a shot could be made. The massive Minnesotan began to impose authority on the penalty area, feeding on and adding to the general air of confidence in the defence, coming out early and making his will clearly known at set-pieces, barking commands to his team-mates. It was a highly promising performance from the keeper. Final cliche Whilst the defenders deserve most of the praise for keeping the side afloat, it is noteworthy that the Shambles used at least 18 players. All put in fine performances. Fernando, apart from maestrominding the team, was fiery and gritty in midfield. Luis chased down the opposition defenders just as they were hoping to launch attacks down the flanks. Arnaud showed his stylish ball control and combined effectively with the midfielders and strikers. Congratulations to Leslie on securing the lead role in the new Tolkein film, "The Hobble." Kaleb cut off opposition attacks and moved the ball quickly forward. Li Bai introduced cultured touches to the game, setting up attacks with some excellent passing. Giggs weaved his attacking midfield magic but never quite threatened as he can. Carl was solid and threatening as always in the outfield. Mark was on the pitch, too. That should be a mention for everyone. This satisfying victory showed the character of the side and was great fun to play in. The lads done tremendous. Players (apologies for omissions and spelling mistakes): Matt, Nat, Andy L., Jon, Norm, Aynsley, Carl "the Cruncher", Leslie "the Crunched" (but not by Carl), Kaleb, Mark, Fernando, Udi, Giggs, Li Bai, Luis, Roger, Arnaud, Thierry.

Player profiles for the Guangzhou tournament Written 12th December 2003. Our ragtag bunch of sporting nomads includes the following rabble: Carl (Carlos the Jackal). Hefty New Zealander with surprisingly nifty feet out in midfield. However, he is also a fantastic goalie, so he got the job. An influential presence who could decide the fate of the game with some brave saves and excellent distribution. An essential member of the drinking team. As Shambles' skipper, he could always take himself out of goal to be replaced by... Aynsley (Bobby, Roger) Moore. Phenomenally long legs make this authoratitive defender very entertaining to watch. His favourite on-pitch pose involves holding out his hands as if asking (very nicely), "come on then, what are you going to do?" His angelic expression when he has fouled someone is also a treat. Hefty boot, too. Andy "Fuckin' 'ell ref!" Lever. extraordinarily active Manc defender-midfielder. Superb in his role as sweeper as well as being great value for money when he considers himself wronged. A bit of a hippy off the field, his reaction to poor refereeing or disagreement on the pitch is surprisingly Thatcherite. When unleashed, this man could also punch holes in the opposition drinking team¡¯s defence. Kirsten (Squire, Kristy, Kristin, Christy or whatever). Defender with a vicious edge. Likes the physical challenges, which are doubly enjoyable to watch because of the surprise on the victims' faces. Could make a move up into midfield, where she is expected to make many a telling interception to break up opposition attacks. David (Big Dave, or "Dave's Ball!"). An Aussie who revels in the leadership role he takes on in defence. Otherwise known as The Rock, as is his pub. His athletic presence could be enormous. Expected to take on the anchor legs in the drinking competitions. Not expected to lose those. Peter ("Psycho"). Organiser of the team and enthusiastic challenger in defence. His fitness puts him in another league to the rest of us. Keen cyclist, which is not a skill of great help on the pitch, but without Peter, the spirit would be gone from the team. True stalwart and an essential defensive pillar. We are looking for a number of hobbling opposition strikers in the first few minutes. Nat. With his white football boots and stunning beautiful long thin legs (he ought to be a transvestite, although the beard might give him away) this is a man always likely to attract attention. A natural defender, who, naturally for our team, fancies himself as a left winger. Time for the boy to open up and show us his true class. Top bar presence. Mark. Lollops around in midfield shouting at people. If his ankle doesn't give in, his tonsils ought to, since he cannot shut his gob. Can put through the occasional good ball and be a tenacious chaser of the ball, much like a dog. Another key member of the Shambles drinking team, having spent years on loan to the Czech national side. Kevin. Skilful midfielder. Tenacious tracker-back and tackler, and can (and does!) pass and shoot expertly. So tenacious he should live in TenaCity. His contribution will be vital. A class act. Giggsy. Tends to 'blow hot and cold' but when he is hot, he is on fire, as Mr Sid Waddell might say. A stunning left foot shot makes him lethal anywhere near the opposition's area, and he is very fit. If he remains focused he could make a massive difference in the defensive midfield area, if that exists in the Shambles team. Fernando. Likes to see himself as a bit of a Beckham in terms of passing, but without the unnecessary running part. When riled, is immensely entertaining, as the Latin fire lights within him. Essential, fiery presence in the drinking team. Top entertainer and great fighting and dancing spirit. Thierry. (The Gallic Aggressor). Should have his own Asterix character. A rugby man at heart, he has been known to uproot an opponent (the ball was within 30 metres, ref) and when he runs at the defence (with the ball) it scares them. When monumentally hungover, generally good for five minutes and then fizzles out. With an awesome sense of balance, his powerful running and sharp acceleration make him a danger to any team likely to be in Guangzhou, particularly when it is his round. Awesome pub presence could inspire the Shambles to drinking victory, although he will not remember. Foxy. (Fox, The Foxster). Founder member of the team with excellent ball control and dribbling. His reluctance to pass can frustrate others in the team at times. Can score wonderful goals from free kicks and is as tenacious as tenacious Kevin, which is very tenacious indeed.

The Shambles romped home to victory (in the drinking competition) at this this seminal sporting event. Click the link above for photo highlights.

On September 29, 2003, the Shambles football team started its Internet presence.