West Allis NATIONALS Baseball

After engaging in a romantic dalliance with a generously-proportioned female he met at Magoo's three weeks ago, Nationals catcher/pitcher Curt Pryal admitted that the encounter "...was pretty damn fun, even though she said my homies couldn't have none." "I begged her to let them get in on the action," said Pryal, "but she refused. However, the young lady was gracious enough to allow one of my homies to videotape our coupling. You can purchase a copy on Amazon.com for $14.99." Said Pryal, "I think I may ask for this young lass' hand in marriage following tomorrow night's doubleheader against the Angels."

Please join the Nationals tomorrow night at approximately 10 pm in the parking lot adjacent to Harden Field at Zablocki Park for a prayer vigil for Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Beverages will be provided. Bring your own candle.

A study released by two Swedish sociologists has disproved the long-held belief of some that enjoying gay sex does not necessarily mean you're gay. "Contrary to a popular myth which originated in West Allis, Wisconsin during the mid-1990's, our study has shown that those who enjoy gay sex are approximately 8,000% more likely to be gay than the average person," said Studs Manhoal, co-author of the study.

In a stunning decision that is sure to send shockwaves throughout all of Wisconsin amateur baseball, Frank Langsdorf League of Southeast Wisconsin Commissioner Steve Elliott has decreed that his league will transition to an all wood bat, all wood ball league beginning with the 2008 season. Additionally, all players will be required to wear wooden shoes, and at least three fielders must have at least one wooden leg. "I thought about requiring all players to wear Kerry Wood jerseys, too," explained Elliott during an exclusive interview from his undisclosed bunker. "But that would just be going overboard." Developing.......

Curt Pryal is missing. He was last seen near the Bong Recreation Area on I94 North last night at 11:15 pm. Curt is 5'10, bald, and somewhere between 220 and 420 pounds. Please call if you've seen him.