Colonial East Ltd.

Hal Alpiar sent us an update on his adventures at his new softball home in Tennessee:

OTS (Old Tennessee Softballers?) UPDATE REPORT . . .

Now that everyone’s happily forgotten me and the rumors have died down, it might be a good time to share some of what I’ve experienced here in The Volunteer State by way of Senior Softball, playing regularly in Crossville (just West of Knoxville):

First off, I got spoiled after 8 OTS years of dragging my butt out of bed an hour before first pitch and chugging down the road from Millsboro to COG fields (M&T Bank before that) in 5-10 minutes. Here, it’s WAKE UP TIME every Monday and Thursday to drive 40 miles East (I’m about an hour to either Knoxville—East, or Nashville—West) at 75 mph through winding mountain roads, and getting passed by 18-wheelers with drivers who (if you can imagine this) seem to have no regard whatsoever for senior softball commuters.

With the car windows open, you’re ready to play ball before ever even getting to the field… an especially challenging task when you have to pass the roadside stands with the magnetizing smells of Fresh Fried Southern Pie and Pulled Pork (which does beat the odors of chicken-processing!). Anyway, if the pie doesn’t rot your teeth, the hot sauce in the pulled pork will make you wish it had. I now weigh 427 pounds, have lost all my teeth and eat ice cubes all game to kill the hot sauce (just kidding about the ice cubes!)

All summer, it’s “choose-sides” (someone assigns a number and that’s the team you join). Mostly, we only count up to 4. Numbers be a challenge . . . I mean you ain’t hardly seen no rednecks in LSD that even come close to what we got in Wal-Mart down heah! Anyway, this pick-a-number team-making thing is always fun and it’s like a mystery until you start talking with your teammates and find out that of the ten players assigned the same number, you have 9 second basemen and one right fielder on your side. So, the arts of compromise and self-sacrifice come into play. I’ve played 1st, 2nd, middle infield, SS, and 3rd and have decided (like my childhood) I’m happy as long as I’m in the dirt. Actually, getting pretty good at third, using the pitcher as a relay guy (kidding again. I roll it to 1st).

We play on 2 or 3 different pretty well-maintained (with $3,000 of town government money… there may be a future for John Walker yet!) fields, depending on turnout – usually about 50 guys and 2-5 younger superstar slugger women show up. With daily spring and summer temperatures of 90-100+, the regular league season schedule starts in September. You can choose to play with the “old guys” (over 70) or the “young” guys (58-70) no matter what your age. I alternate with this depending on the chance to play with fewer on a team and get more action… so, sometimes, the old guys have more action (uh, on the field!).

We play ONLY with white softballs here. I could guess why, but I’m not sure of the significance. I can only tell you that the guys laughed when I brought out the yellow ones. They use them for batting practice, but keep looking at them and handling them like they were hand grenades.

Lots of glare from balding heads before each game, when we all take off our hats (the only time guys stop calling me “Oats” because it’s the only time they can’t remember my name, without my OTS hat). We take hats off to – get this (and Gary Hayden, take note) — pray before every game! That’s a good thing. Would probably make sense for Jesse and Johnny and maybe even Frank Kerns!

There’s one guy who looks like Ed Sternberg without the beard and dresses and armors-up like Ed, who periodically gives rambling speeches or puts up a big white board with his version of a poem on it before each game. His idea of poetry would be like Pat Sherry might recite after 27 beers at the Legion!

No designated runner start lines. No “commit” lines between 3rd and home. A few loaded bats here and there. Same deal as OTS with 2 home plates and 2 first bases, but no mats to stand on or step off and be out.

Oh, are you ready for this one? There are no umpires. None. Ever. No arguments. Flat pitch? Tough darts! Everybody just agrees that someone was out or safe. I’ve only seen one hothead and everybody laughs at him. Zero arguments. Nada. Y’hear that, Harry? Carl? Like how can you argue with someone you just prayed with?

There are quite a few “beer” shirts but one thing in common with Dagsboro players: no curse words (LOL). Seriously, I’ve heard one player say “Dern it!” once in 8 games

A bit worrisome, I must confess, is the league motto “Come Play With Us!” on every shirt. Mine’s on order.

Oh, and no scoreboards either. After 8 games, I couldn’t tell you if my team won, lost, or tied. And neither could anyone else! No one keeps track of innings. Once we played 6 and once we played 12.

Nobody talked with me the first couple of times when (while waiting for my official league shirt arrival) I wore my old OTS team shirts. But, aha, when I switched to my SonRise Church, Berlin, Maryland, shirt with a small “They left everything and followed Jesus. LUKE 5:11” on the back, you’d have thought I brought a couple of bottles of Tennessee Bourbon and a pack of straws into the dugout!

Sadly, there don’t appear to be any “fans” and, Linda, in case you get tired of those scraggly faces, no photographers! Nor are there any professional Oriole training camp stars like Ed Smith. BUT, Ala Terry Thomas, the league “character” is a tough little jokester (take note, Mike Fleetwood) ex-Marine pitcher who starts games and sometimes each inning with shouts “Ready on the left? Ready on the right? Fire!” and then lobs a floating pitch to the plate, and ducks.

Now you might think with all this going on, there’s no hitting. Wrong. At least a dozen guys who can pound the ball as hard and far as Buddy or Russ. And, by the way, a couple of outstanding shortstops, left fielders, pitchers, and first basemen!

Or maybe you think it’s not competitive? At least two guys in their 80’s were safe sliding into second with spikes up. And another (70-something) sent a third basemen head over heels barreling into him on a close play. Serious.

I found a hidden–in-the-woods-behind-the-cows-and-goats batting cages place that Tennessee Tech University teams use (until graduation a couple of weeks ago), and I’ve been putting time in there in between games. It pays off. I’ve gone 3 for 4 or 4 for 4 every game so far. It’s $5. for as much as you can hit in an hour... blister city!

Overall, it’s a good bunch of people here. Looks and voices (except for the accents) and attitudes match up with at least twenty OTS’ers. I have to laugh. It’s like playing ball with some of your twins (ghosts?) but it’s fun, and I have only all of you to thank for that.

You supported me, befriended me, and made some hard times worth struggling through. My thoughts and prayers are with you now, with Mike Bahr, and all the rest of you facing personal and family struggles. You’re a really great bunch of “teammates.” I will be forever grateful that our paths crossed.

Thank you for making a difference. I hope in some small way, I might have done that for one or two of you. Have a great season!

Best to all – Hal “Oats” Alpiar 

After the first month of the 2014 season, Edward Jones Investments finds itself in first place with a one-game lead over Dynamic Physical Therapy. Delmarva LTCI is only another half game behind.

Three teams are tied for 4th place - American Legion Post #24, Colonial East and Robinson's Furniture.

Three teams are sharing the cellar, only 4 games out of first place - James Joyce Irish Pub, Ocean View Family Restaurant and All Out Sports.

With 3 months left to play, the standings are sure to change. 

This year, we have new sponsors for 4 of our teams.

Fox's Pizza Den on Rt. 54 in Selbyville, DE is sponsoring the team managed by Johnny Allen and Eddie Sternberg.

Peppers Tavern off Rt. 611 in Ocean City, MD is sponsoring the team managed by Terry Shifflett and Pat Carey.

Robinson's Furniture of Oxford, PA is sponsoring the team managed by Harry Gowl and Buddy Robinson.

James Joyce Irish Pub, located near the harbor in Baltimore, is sponsoring the team managed by Dick Mullins and Mike Krieg. James Joyce is a sister restaruant of Ireland's Four Courts, which was a sponsor last year.

A special thank you to our departing sponsors for their many years of support. We hope you'll rejoin us soon.

Dr. Lois James, DDS (James Gang team)

Custom Woodworking

Ireland Four Courts Restaurant

Harrington Casino